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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747322">(Un)real</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rheiginn/pseuds/rheiginn%20but%20dumber'>rheiginn but dumber (Rheiginn)</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/q_ello/pseuds/tr_ello'>tr_ello (q_ello)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, Unreliable Narrator</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:09:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,664</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747322</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rheiginn/pseuds/rheiginn%20but%20dumber, https://archiveofourown.org/users/q_ello/pseuds/tr_ello</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Daichi tells no one that he can’t distinguish between dreams and reality.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(Un)real</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29000934">(Не) настоящее</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anri_Kohaku/pseuds/Anri_Kohaku">Anri_Kohaku</a>.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are cicadas outside his window, crying so loud, that it seems like they are all over the room. The sound crawls on the floor and hangs from the ceiling, it goes right through his ears, covering the quiet sound of breathing from the next bed. Daichi tries to convince himself that he’s already falling asleep, but once again he frowns and then finally gets up, displeased. After the first day in the training camp there’s heaviness in his body, in his arms and legs. His thoughts are all mixed-up, becoming an endless procession. He tries to get rid of the one thought and then there’s another. Somehow, every other is about Kuroo.</p><p>The bars are squeaking under the mattress. The window doesn’t open immediately, so he has to force it and only then it opens completely. Daichi turns to those who’s asleep, but no one protests or grumbles. He breathes in the night and wet clouds, feeling it’s getting more fresh. He recalls that cicadas disappear right after the sun. He listens and hears nothing, even crickets.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Daichi tells no one that he can’t distinguish between dreams and reality.</p><p>Frankly, it happened only a few times, but there was enough of a consequences for him to doubt every step from now on. He carefully asks the others about the most important things.</p><p>“We won yesterday, didn’t we?”</p><p>“We did”, Suga answers, but he doesn’t joke about memory like of a goldfish anymore.</p><p>Daichi tells no one, that he starts counting volleyballs going over the net anytime he gets a little bit stressed. Every Saturday he faithfully devotes his time for meditation in order to make his calmness impenetrable.</p><p>“Captain is super-confident, as always. Even in the situation like this…. I’m jealous”.</p><p>He would trade his confidence with anyone, if only he didn’t have dizzy spells due to which he couldn’t even move one finger.</p><p>Daichi tells no one, that he can fall asleep while sitting on the bench when it’s time-out of final match. Or any other place, really.</p><p>“You passed out right in subway again and then missed your stop? What do you do during the nights?” Michimiya frowns after scolding him because of skipped class.</p><p>“I study for SATs”, Daichi lies.</p><p>He tries to sleep during night, but he stays half-asleep until the alarm clock starts ringing.</p><p>It’s not always like this, only for some time. But of course, it happens exactly when he needs to stay calm and collected.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>They play volleyball in the morning. They play in the afternoon. They bring out hidden from trainers new portion of energy in the evening, and then they go for a walk in Tokyo, led by the locals. The only thing Daichi wants, is to lie down and close his eyes, so that he won’t see bright lights and the endless road under his feet, but he keeps following conversation instead. Then, their team gradually gets lost in a crowd, a few people in a time. Daichi only manages to point it out: Lev has gone with Hinata and Kageyama, Yamamoto and Tanaka both have been left somewhere behind, Akaashi and Suga look after Bokuto. No one will go astray or left alone, so there’s no need to worry. He thinks about himself the last, he looks around and finds no one, but Kuroo. Kuroo lifts his eyebrows questioningly.</p><p>“Lost someone?”</p><p><em>Myself, maybe. </em>Daichi shakes his head.</p><p>“To be honest, I’m tired. I guess I’m gonna get back”, he says, but it's already clear it’s not an option.</p><p>Kuroo brings him to his favorite diner and orders food for them both. They mix their conversations, while eating squids and pineapples, and Daichi thinks that Kuroo has an awful taste, but it’s the only thing in his first impression about Kuroo he got wrong, because he’s still fun. Then Daichi is offered to go on the fastest tour of the whole city, and he sadly banishes his hopes for a rest. He gets to know that it was worth it, and he’s all ready ready to thank Kuroo when they just come to Odaiba, and Daichi can see the Ferris wheel touching the sky.</p><p>When you look at Tokyo from above, it looks like a pile of ashes. Ashes of the world under their legs. Baby phoenix is turning in this pile, making the embers roll over and tremble.</p><p>Daichi wakes up when it’s a few of meters to earth. The light is falling in sharp patterns, the booth is mercilessly shaking, and he feels something hard with his temple. He thinks for a moment, that he fell asleep on a deck of the ship. But as soon, as he recalls where he is, the thunder gets quiet, glass isn’t rattling anymore, mechanisms plainly move the construction.</p><p>He raises his head and meets Kuroo’s eyes, condescending and a little bit mocking, as if Daichi has traces of his t-shirt’s wrinkles on his face.</p><p>“Sorry”, he murmurs, and Kuroo puts his hand away from his shoulder.</p><p>“You wasted two circles on sleeping. We need another one”.</p><p>They decide to admire the city another time, when they'll have more energy.</p><p>This night Daichi is fast asleep, dreamless.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>There is a big cat walking on the headboard, flexible as a snake, ears pointed. Daichi, half-awake, doesn’t even get to wonder where she came from, how did she get in not bothering his dog that’s always guarding next to the enter. The cat looks clean, healthy and well-fed. She stretches and sharpens her claws right with the furniture, unbothered with somebody else’s presence.</p><p><em>Hey, you can’t do that</em>, Daichi wants to say, he wants to get up and pat her head. He tries to - then he doesn’t believe himself and tries again, but his body still does not obey. It lives, feels and faithfully breathes, but it ignores any of the impulses, as if it has no sinew. Daichi wards panic attack off, telling himself to wait. He knew that it would happen sooner or later, it’s not dangerous and soon it will go away.</p><p>The cat jumps off on the bed weightlessly and comes closer, steps over his hand and carefully crawls on his chest.</p><p><em>Wanna cheer me up?</em>  Daichi asks with his gaze, and cat goes closer to his face in order to hear better. She swings her tail along the blanket, but Daichi still feels ticklish with his stomach. The cat kneads and hooks the base of his neck with her claws. Daichi didn’t notice how heavy she was right away, and now he barely manages to breathe, his rib cage is pressed into the mattress. He breathes in as deep as he can, and so does the cat, sniffing his chin. Daichi wants to frown, displeased, when she claws harder, but he can’t do even that, so he’s just left to hold it. He closes his eyes and hears his own wheezing, too old and weak. He feels his throat burning from both inside and outside.</p><p>“Go away”, he pleads and opens his eyes. “Go away, please”.</p><p>The animal understands, but keeps choking him with its weight, until his lungs feel way too much tight. Daichi opens his mouth a little bit, but he doesn’t manage to scream. Dying is too scary, he thinks. The cat stands up on her paws – <em>yeah, go away quickly, you bloody thing, - </em>and immediately falls right into his body.</p><p>Daichi wakes up, sits up right away and breathes in like a saved floater, so deep that his eyes start tearing up. He gets up on his feet despite of dizziness, steps aside, leaning against the wall. He pulls a collar of his t-shirt to the side, in order to get rid of delusion. He looks at his skin under the collarbones, he touches his neck carefully, making sure that there’s no scratches left.</p><p>But it still seems like his heart got much heavier.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>There’s a huge crowd at the station, so it takes a while to find Kuroo. He smiles, extends his cold hand out for greeting and then puts it in his pocket again. Kuroo leads him somewhere, and Daichi trusts him, as he once did. He expresses his surprise with the capital, changed so much because of the time of the year and the holidays. Christmas is splattered all over the streets, has gotten onto the rooftops and is reflected in the strangers’ smiles.</p><p>Now well rested, Kuroo looks different, too. He buys himself a colored lollipop, “First time in life!”, and gives the same one to Daichi. He hides it in his bag, “Thanks, gonna save it for bad times”. Daichi has to remember all the most interesting stories for the next hour, so they won’t walk silently, while Kuroo has his mouth full. Kuroo listens attentively and looks closely, so it’s almost getting awkward.</p><p>They warm up in the coffee shop for so long, that waitresses start to come and ask if they would like anything else, too often. They freeze again later, having a snowball fight in the park, and Kuroo laughs for them both. The battle ends in a draw, because when Kuroo falls into a snow bank, he drags Daichi with him.</p><p>Daichi presses his cheek against cold ice, cooling down.</p><p>“Sawamura, you can’t throw snowballs with a face serious like this”, he hears. Daichi can’t help smiling.</p><p>“Don’t wanna lose to you even there”.</p><p>He gets up and helps Kuroo do the same, pulling his arms, creepy burgundy because of the cold, because he left his gloves in pockets, for justice.</p><p>They throw themselves onto the closest bench, breathing hard, already tired. There is a crowdy street far behind a bunch of trees, but only a few people get on the paths, even though a lamp light is everywhere, leaving no dark spots. Daichi likes silence and privacy, he likes cheerful Kuroo next to him and that it feels like a date. He tries not to notice the last thought though, in order not to mess up anything.</p><p>He likes what he already has. And he’s astonished, when Kuroo calls: “Hey, Sawamura”, and catches his lips with his own. It lasts not only for a moment, but longer, and he’s slowly warming up, until he feels too muggy and his heart, just calmed down, starts pounding like crazy again. Daichi reaches with his hands, but finds only a down jacket, not recognizing what’s under it, Kuroo squeezes his shoulders in response. Daichi thinks, that it’s his opportunity to say the truth without words. He’s glad, that Kuroo turned out to be braver, but he himself is not so much ready, so he barely can control himself. Their kiss comes out so awkward, as if it’s his first time.</p><p>When Kuroo pulls away and shyly lowers his gaze, Daichi feels dizzy. His hands tingle, he breathes deeply in and out. He leans on the back of the bench, cursing his own sensitivity. And then he can’t move a finger. His head falls on his chest, and he’s left to watch his own hands on his lap. His disease picked out the worst moment among all the possible ones. He wants to talk about future, to kiss him again, to tell him that it all began with their first meeting. He doesn’t want to scare Kuroo with his sudden numbness or hear how Kuroo calls ambulance, which is not really necessary.</p><p>“Sorry I didn’t warn you”, he hears a voice, unsure and worried, and then it goes silent.</p><p>“If you’re mad, then say so”, Kuroo says suddenly and waits for an answer again, and then, not getting it, continues: “You can punch me. I should have stopped, when you tried to push me away”.</p><p>Daichi doesn’t get what he’s talking about, and this misconception is not funny at all.</p><p><em>Just be silent and wait. Only two minutes. It’s not so difficult, isn’t it, </em>he thinks desperately, and then really starts getting angry.</p><p>“No, I shouldn’t have done it from the start”.</p><p>Kuroo stands up, and now Daichi can see only his boots.</p><p><em>One, two, three, four… </em>As soon as he calms down, he will make Kuroo sit down again. He will kiss him the way there will be no doubt left. <em>Five, six, seven… </em>It’s bad that he was caught by surprise.</p><p>“I understand, you don’t even want to talk to me. I guess it didn’t feel nice”.</p><p>Kuroo goes a few steps away, Daichi sees only footprints, but still feels his presence.</p><p>
  <em>Wait. Don’t leave.</em>
</p><p>“If you might, let’s pretend nothing happened”.</p><p>
  <em>Don’t go. Please.</em>
</p><p>“Why would I do this”, Kuroo laughs quietly. “See you tomorrow, alright?”</p><p>When there is no sound of snow crunching anymore, it’s only the freezing silence left. <em>Sixty two, sixty three… </em>Daichi clenches his weakened fists, pushes off from the bench, stands up on his bent legs, and falls down.</p><p>He wants to sleep so bad.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It’s after midnight, when Daichi gets to the hostel. He drinks tea and warms up under the hot water in the shower, but he’s still shaking from the inside. Then he looks closely in the mirror at his scratched cheek, covered with stubble, and realizes why administrator watched him so cautiously. He looks scary.</p><p>He waits for the morning, and when it comes, he looks at his phone, not knowing what to do. He’s not just unsure, deciding how to fix the problem. He wonders if there is even something to fix. Finally, he decides to set up a new meeting at least.</p><p>He’s tragically not devious enough to ask about yesterday and not to make a fool of himself at the same time. To give a hint Kuroo will catch on, if it truly happened, and won’t notice, if Daichi deceived himself. After all, he’s an average human, who’s afraid to look ridiculous. Like when he waited for a girl for a whole hour, because he had got himself to ask her out the day before, and then he realized, that there was no date and no girl. And he’s afraid to make problems for himself and others, like when he skipped an exam, because he hurried to his mother in the hospital, and he didn’t find her in the hospital room, put on a scandal and almost hit the doctor. His mother had been working all this time, completely healthy, fortunately.</p><p>Kuroo, as he promised, holds up like nothing happened, and doesn’t even avoid his eyes. He asks about scratches and pretends that believes in Daichi’s “Cut myself while shaving”.</p><p>They come to the beach, windless, fulfilled with calmness, which makes even thoughts loud. They walk on the sand hard as stone and stop a few steps from water. Kuroo nods at the side of the ocean.</p><p>“You’re lucky. This is my favorite, when it’s raining or snowing”.</p><p>Daichi doesn’t understand right away, but repeats after him: he looks straight at the snow - it drowns in the water constantly, dissolving as soon as touching the surface. He feels weird and peaceful at the same time about water disappearing in water, not making snowbanks, without any sensible reason. He feels like it’s his favorite, too, now, and even more valuable, because it is shared with Kuroo.</p><p>“Hey, Kuroo”, he calls, deciding to be as brave as Kuroo was, even if the courage, taken like a cue, is only a trick of his imagination.</p><p>Kuroo turns over, and Daichi comes to him closely, gets on his toes, and presses his forehead against his.</p><p>“Yesterday…”, he breathes out.</p><p>There is confusion in the eyes in the front of him, the gaze slips away, but Daichi doesn’t let pull away, grabbing him.</p><p>“So you’re really mad, yeah?”, Kuroo asks finally.</p><p>Daichi lets him go, takes one step back. He feels like laughing, but he counts out of habit, not thinking. Then he calmly explains, what happened. He tells someone about his abnormality for the first time, trying not to let himself complain.</p><p>They don’t look at each other, but their gazes meet somewhere close to horizon, at the blurred line of blues.</p><p>“I don’t know for sure even now. What if it’s a dream”, Daichi confesses. “And when I wake up, then there will be no real evidence. I'll have to ask you every time. I’m afraid I’ll have gray hair way too early”.</p><p>He scoffs, but Kuroo, on the contrary, looks serious, observing Daichi closely, as if the answer is hidden right in him. Daichi awkwardly shrugs, not knowing what else to say. He'd told everything, and it seems like Kuroo could understand. It won’t turn him away, Daichi believes in it.</p><p>“It is said, it’s impossible to read something twice in a dream”, Kuroo says thoughtfully. “Let’s check it”.</p><p>He looks around, and so does Daichi, but there’s no advertisements or a poster with rules of conduct in the water. Then Kuroo unzips his jacket, letting all warmness out, searches for something in the inside, and then he lifts a bottom of his shirt and finds some crummy tag.</p><p>“Here, read a formula”.</p><p>Daichi finds it funny, but he doesn’t argue, leans in with his head, and squints his eyes, staring at tiny font in his own shade. Before he can complain, Kuroo tucks his shirt and says: “I have an even better idea”.</p><p>There’s nothing weird, that he’s so interested in it, Daichi thinks, while Kuroo digs through his bag and takes a notebook out of it first, and then a pencil. Kuroo squats down and covers himself with his hand, like a first-grader. He writes something on his lap and finally with cracking sound rips up some piece of paper. He straightens himself and hands him a folded rectangle.</p><p>“This is the evidence. My written statement, that it all really did happen”.</p><p>Their fingers touch for a moment. Daichi takes the note and starts to unfold, hesitating a little bit. But Kuroo covers his hands with his own, not allowing to open up.</p><p>“Check tomorrow in the morning, when you wake up”.</p><p>Daichi doesn’t mind: it’s better to get disappointed later, than early. He unzips his jacket, too, to be fair, and puts the note in his inside pocket. Meanwhile, Kuroo writes something else.</p><p>“This is an evidence, too, but you can read it now”.</p><p>Daichi looks at curvy kanji “I’m gonna kiss you now” and can’t read it for the second time, because Kuroo comes closer and takes all the attention on himself.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Daichi turns in his bed more than usual, although he didn’t feel so awake for a long time. He has a few hours before the train arrives, and he’s going to spend it walking around Tokyo, purposely not checking on the map. Kuroo won’t be able to come even to a train station, and when he calls him to say so, he sounds even more upset than Daichi. Daichi says: “Next time”, and Kuroo agrees: “Definitely”.</p><p>When it feels like guilt starts to eat him up especially hard for this lame wasting of travel time, he finally gets himself to get up. He gets ready, drinks tea with melon bread. His thoughts are about only one thing, but he convinces himself that there’s no need to hurry. And it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s more scared than curious.</p><p>Only when he’s next to the doorstep, putting jacket on, he puts his hand in the inside pocket, feels sharp edges of notes and can’t help smiling. He takes them both out, smoothes it with his fingers, listens to rustling. He thinks, that even Christmas presents when he was a child he didn’t unfold with such devotion. He first rereads the note he already knows, and then another one.</p><p>“<em>I like you</em>”.</p><p>He folds it back and hides his evidence back in the pocket.</p><p>He walks to the train station on foot, turns over next to the enter, and looks at the city he’ll visit a lot, for a long time. It’s a pity he has to leave so soon, but he’s not upset. He’s sure for some reason, that this is his happy place. His phone rings with incoming message: Kuroo asks, didn’t he get lost, and Daichi, heading to platforms, types an answer. He’s alright. Better than ever.</p><p>The train crosses snow valleys, there are empty fields outside the window, and then trees, looking like a cotton candy. The monotone landscape has sedative effect on him, Daichi falls asleep every now and then with colorless dreams, that he forgets as soon as he opens his eyes. His body starts to remember what it means to be tired.</p><p>He walks home at dusk, planning to go to bed a little earlier. He will unpack his bag, tell his family how fun it was in the capital, and hand out souvenirs. He wouldn’t be welcomed back home without the bar of chocolate from Meiji shop.</p><p>His dog is the first one to welcome him, he gets on his hind legs, leans on the gate, not letting to open it. He’s so glad, as if Daichi was somewhere away for at least a year. Daichi scratches behind his ears, makes his fur shaggy, but he immediately gets distracted with his phone. It’s a new message from Kuroo. He reads it several times, not getting at all, he checks the sender’s name, in order to make sure, that he didn’t mix something up.</p><p>“<em>You got back alright? Sorry again, couldn’t make it for those two days. Working in holidays is a living hell. I've already told you, haven’t I</em>?”</p><p>Daichi throws his bag on the floor, leans on the fence and presses his hand to his chest. It seems like he can feel the crumpled paper through thick fabric. The dog dips under his elbow, demanding, Daichi absently pets him with one hand, and unzips his jacket with another one. He hesitates, waiting, until his chest stops aching, and checks his empty pocket.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you liked this translation, please leave kudos on the original work, too!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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